I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
