As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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