when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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