Don't you send me to vm
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
