Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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