Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
