is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
