at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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