you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
