my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
