my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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