Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
