$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
