Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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