please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
