That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
