It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
