At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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