It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
