i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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