it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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