I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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