so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
