so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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