did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
