I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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