Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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