You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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