He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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