My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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