Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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