Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
