best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
