I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
