every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
