i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
