and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
