It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
