Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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