the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
