I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
