My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
