one two three fourrrrnication!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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