my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
