I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
