Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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