So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
