Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
