do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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