Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
