I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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