He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
