well I can't set my house on fire every night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
