census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
