he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'm really busy with my period
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