He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
