i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
These tits shall not be calmed
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
