Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
